Ultimate Fighter: Small Guys
Reading the latest Paris Review and scoping the latest season of Ultimate Fighter. (The Paris Review isn’t even based in Paris, it’s just called that so that pretentious fucks like myself who fancy themselves writers can appear cultured) Nice interview with Nicholson Baker though. If any of you read anything other than fight blogs you should check out his book The Mezzanine. It’s about the same length as our fancypants editor’s rant about Atlantic City.
Coaches this season of “Ultimate Fighter” are Mayhem Miller and Bisping. Should be a lot of shit-talking. Keep an eye on these kids because you’ll be seeing a ton of them on undercards for the next couple of years. More on the first episode’s fights after the jump:
There are two redneck wrasslers (Ferguson bras) who love the lord Jesus Christ and pray together, asking the prince of peace to help them succeed in their cagefight. Most of these kids look young and small and apparently a few of them also are fathers (thought they were fathers).
You usually see a lot of the worst knockouts on the first episode when the true chumps are tested. The first fight was a jacked up southern kid (Josh Ferguson) against a kid from Indiana that looked like a sickly junior high schooler (Casey Dyer) and put up less of a fight than Mr. Victor Ortiz post-hug. I do not know how Dana let this kid in the cage. At this weight class if you’re not in awesome shape you don’t stand a chance.
The next fight was a jacked up Brazilian kid (Diego Brandao) against an albino. The unpigmented fellow (Jesse Newell) fought about as well as he suntans and was also totally destroyed. At least he put up a bit of a fight before he got his grillpiece fucked up.
The next fight was John Dodson against Brandon Merkt, who was undefeated and also does not appear to have any emotions whatsoever. Ah, looks like Tiki Ghosn and his silly beard are going to feature into this season. Nice. Dodson hit Merkt with a nice bodyshot and Merkt was trying so hard not to cry that he just made a very sad face rather than defend himself and was quickly finished.
Then we get to meet Dennis Bermudez who had a great “wrestling career” and is motivated by the fact he raised a child as his own before finding out it belonged to someone else after two years. That’s the sort of thing I would not mention the first time I was on television, but I guess one man’s soul-crushing shame is another man’s motivation.
Bermudez is fighting another pretty jacked up guy. Both these dudes are probably wondering why they didn’t get to fight an albino or sickly junior high schooler. Bermudez used his memories of cuckoldry to good effect and managed to win a competitive fight. The other guy looked good (sorry didn’t catch his name and I’m not rewinding again), will probably come back as an alternate if there is an injury.
Roland Delorme is fighting the other Ferguson bra, who has an even more rednecky beard than his brother and also favors straw cowboy hats. Jesus and redneck rage were not enough for Beej Ferguson as Delorme looked really slick on the ground and caught him in a triangle pretty quickly.
Wailehua-Hansen vs Brimage-First round Brimage proves to be freakishly strong and the Hawaiian (not typing that name again) made up for his lack of defense with an iron chin, taking what seemed like a hundred shots while staying on his feet (although he was possibly knocked out, Mazzagatti let it go until the end of the round). Second round was more of the same and Mazzagatti stopped it before it got any worse.
Pretty much everything I watch has Star Wars ads on it. Save your fucking money George Lucas, you know I’m going to buy that shit no matter how bad you ruined it.
Beebe vs Bedford-Carson Beebe (Chase Beebe’s brother) is apparently highly touted, but looks like he doesn’t know what the fuck he is doing. Bedford is a wiry crazy-looking guy and totally outclassed Beebe. Knocked him to the ground and then sunk a nice choke.
Tateki Matsuda is the first Nipponese fighter on the show and is fighting a kid named Dustin Pague. Both these guys stink at striking and miss by a mile. The fight isn’t very good and Pague wins by decision.
Mcveigh vs Gadinot-Moving on to the highlights now as we are running out of time and the rest of these fights probably stink. Genius matchmaking here as the guy with green hair is paired with the guy with spotted hair. Lot of blood here. Gadinot (green) busted up the spotty-haird McVeigh pretty badly and won it in the third after a really inventive elbow (sort of leaned over and looked like he was going for the takedown and threw an elbow up into McVeigh’s face) followed by a barrage of strikes on the ground. Total bloodbath, wish we got to see the whole thing.
Eric Marriott vs Brian Carraway-Highlights show Carraway winning with a lay and pray strategy to take the decision. Fuck that.
Dustin Neace vs Josh Clopton-They showed highlights so it is hard to tell who should have won, but Neace wins and we get bonus footage of Clopton crying. Dana thinks Clopton won so maybe he’ll bring him in as an alternate later on.
Matt Jeggers vs TJ Dillashaw-Dillashaw trains with Uriah Faber’s team Alpha Male, which is a mecca for vertically-challenged fighters. Dillashaw got top control at the end of the round and knocked Jeggers out, although it looked like Herb Dean didn’t realize he was out until after the horn sounded.
Micah Miller vs Steve Siler-Micah is Cole Miller’ brother, who is apparently a BJJ specialist. Siler wins in the third with a guillotine.
John Albert vs Orville Smith-Albert by rear naked choke. Looked good.
Stephen Bass vs Karson Lenjoint-Bass wins by triangle.
Brian Pearman vs Akira Corassoni-Akira wins by knockout. Looked pretty brutal.
Anyway, small size aside some of these fighters seem really sharp and we’re looking forward to seeing which of them is for real.