UFC 133 Preview: You expect us to pay for this?

Here is the card for UFC 133 (thanks for saving me from typing, Wikipedia):

Notice anything odd about this card? Maybe that it fucking sucks? Perhaps that it shouldn’t be on Pay Per View? Rich Franklin is fighting someone named TBA (Due to Nog Lite’s shoulder injury possibly caused by BlackHaus’ full-speed BJJ training)?

Tito Ortiz was about to be fired last week before his improbable win against Bader. He’s basically taking this fight because no one his right mind wants to take on Rashad Evans on 3 weeks’ notice. Lyoto Machida pretended he did for a moment but then realized it was a bad idea and backed out by asking for as much money as Anderson Silva (who, unlike Machida is a long-standing and dominant Middleweight Champion). But no one else credible in the light heavyweight class really wanted to fight Evans.

It was reported that middleweights Chris Leben and Chael Sonnen both wanted the fight, proving that they are both totally batshit, as Rashad is no slouch (former champion) and will probably enter the cage at around 220.  N

It’s never a good thing to enter the cage against an elite Michigander wrestler with five percent body fat and at a weight disadvantage of over 20 pounds.Tito looked good in the ten seconds he was in the octagon with Bader but to put it mildly, this is going to be a tough fight for him.

Rich Franklin is still a huge PPV draw. He’s fighting at light heavyweight but is more of a middleweight. Wouldn’t be surprised to see Sonnen or Leben in on this one so they can just not bother to cut weight. Machida would make much more sense in this fight, but after pissing Dana off with his antics, it is unlikely that he’ll come back and say that he is now totally cool fighting for less money on three weeks’ notice because Ace Franklin is the softer opponent. Not really sure who else makes sense here, but probably an unappealing fight.

The next best fight is Vitor Belfort versus Sexiyama. Sexiyama is coming off a last minute loss to Leben and a decision loss to Michael Bisping. Apparently two straight losses gets Akiyama a fight against the dude they were recently saying had a shot at beating Anderson Silva. Akiyama has looked horribly overrated since he came into the UFC three fights ago. I expect this to be a one-sided ass beating.

So those are the top three fights, the second of which might not even happen. Then again, who am I kidding. This is the UFC and there are probably a dozen dudes begging to fight Rich Franklin. Might be someone who sucks though. Anyway, my point is that the top three fights really don’t look that great on paper. This card looked anemic before Davis and Nog went down. Now it looks downright sickly.

After having spent my entire Stiff Jab correspondent’s stipend at the titty bar’s lunch buffet, I have had my fill of prime rib and lapdances, but am horribly short on cash.  There is only one solution for this:

Dana White should recognize that these fights are pretty weak and he should charge half price for this Pay Per View. The UFC is probably in the black just based on the gate, so they can afford to sell a Pay Per View for half price. It really should be that way for any show without a title fight in it. They might actually make more money at that price if demand is as elastic as we believe it is.