The Fourth Judge: Translation Corner

by The Fourth Judge

From a one-day-old, already-outdated ESPN.com article about NBA free agency:

VERDICT: The only way to control a player like Smith is to remove all sense of contractual security. Part of the reason he was on such good behavior the past two seasons is because he’s been playing for a contract. The Knicks not only overpaid Smith but also gave him way too much security in terms of contract length. I liked the idea of retaining him, but not at the length of the deal he received.

Translation of what the ESPN.com author was really thinking, courtesy of yours truly: [[MORE]]

VERDICT: The only way to subdue and dominate a sub-human piece of shit like Smith is to remove all sense of human dignity. Part of the reason he was on such good behavior the past two seasons is because he’s been kept on a short, ill-fitting leash like the wild animal he is.The Knicks not only overpaid Smith but also gave him way too much security, something only humans deserve.

I liked the idea of owning this feral beast and making him dance for me while I drank the blood of his newborn children, but not if it meant allowing him to entertain the notion that he’s an autonomous, sentient being worthy of love and respect.