Ringwalk: Amir Khan vs Zab Judah

Dating a fight fan (or boxing writer) is no small sacrifice. Aside from having more opportunities than the average woman to dress scandalously and get drunk in public there aren’t too many benefits, but you do manage to learn a good amount about the fight game.

Here’s our new resident female columnist with her slightly intoxicated commentary on the superficial aspects Amir Khan’s win over Zab Judah this Saturday. –GN

I wish I could root for the Christian, but I can’t bring myself to support someone who looks like Chauncey Billups chromosomally-deficient little cousin that burned his eyebrows off in an unfortunate smelting incident.

I almost don’t want to root for Amir Khan, despite his impressive eyebrows because he is wearing some wack Reebok shit.

HOWEVER, Zab Judah appears to have applied holographic stickers to his warm-up bath robe, and that’s just tacky. Neither of these two bamas have decent shorts on, but Khan wins that category by virtue of his lack of tassels. Zab, my Auntie called, her curtains want their ties back. Thanks.[[MORE]]

Some overeager Mexican is blowing a horn.

The presence of Amir Khan’s shitty logo notwithstanding, I want to like his choice of green, because once agin Zab Judah’s stick-on holographic gold shit is making the gay baby Jesus cry.

Then I remembered Muslims like green and it was no longer as special.

Zab Judah’s trainer should be fired because he has shitty taste in earrings.

If you are wondering why I dislike Zab Judah so much, it’s his lack of eyebrows. The reason why this is imporatnt is because he has a perpetually surprised look on his face, like he has just been the recipient of a particularly aggressive and filthy shroom slap.

Amir Khan’s bullshit monogram looks like a sad Delta Kappa Epsilon logo from 1991. Cease and desist with that bullshit because no one likes a Deke.  

Amir Khan is really testing my devotion and patience because he appears to have lightning bolts on his crack. What the fuck is that? The unfortunate, yet desultory result of excessive curry consumption?

Amir Khan’s nipples look like little puppy shits.

A little play-by-play: Lots of swings and misses from both mo'brows and no brows.

Amir Khan’s dad looks like General Musharraf’s drunken cousin. oh wait…

Zab Judah would like you all to turn your Bibles to Philippians 4:13. Go look that shit up because I’m too drunk to touch a Bible.

Khan just punched himself. My sister had the same problem until she got bigger than me.

Zab Judah is super excited for “Twilight: Breaking Dawn,” judging from the gentle bite he just gave Khan.  

+1 to Judah for having brick colored gloves. Red would clash with his black sequins and gold sticker holograms.

In the war of nipples, Zab Judah’s Brooklyn chocolate drops defeat Khan’s puppy shits

Zab Judah’s habit of always keeping his mouth open is unfortunate due to his lack of eyebrows, because it only adds to his look of perpetual surprise.

I think amir khan has superior footwork, but it could also be my severe revulsion at Zab Judah’s foot tassels.

Perhaps he shoud redirect tassel money to botox, because his forehead looks like bacon.

Zab lacks eyebrows, but what he lacks there he is making up for in busted blood vessels.

Khan has got this, possibly due to his powerful and impressive jab, and by jab i mean hairy eyebrows.

Did you know that as you age, you lose eyebrows? also? Zab is much older than Amir.

oh zab, you are in a place where tassels and holgraphic stickers cannot help you. FEEL THE WRATH OF MO'BROWS!

Khan’s impressive eyebrows fuel a lethal punch to Zab’s kidneys and Zab, his tassels, his stickers and his lack of eybrows fold. - Five rounds and what have we learned? Don’t wear Reebok and DON’T FUCK WITH YOUR EYEBROWS.