John Revish vs Sadam Ali

NEWARK, N.J.–Dr. Octagon coming at you live from the radical Rock aka the Prudential Center in sunny Newark. Tonight’s fight is taking place in a hockey rink. Hot shit.

Currently downing a Micky light cuz I’m on a diet. Slow carbs, totally not allowed, but at least it’s not a Bud heavy. I think Ali is going to take this one cuz he has a sick chinstrap beard and people who have those are usually really tough.

The motherfuckers up front won’t sit the fuck down. Round-by-round updates after the jump:

Round 1- Revish pressing the Brooklynite of Yemeni descent. Ali’s left jab comes up short and Revish lands shots to the body. Ali lands a heavy shot, but Revish returns a left hook to the grill.

Ali landing some big shots. Revish with a shot to the body and comes with one more to the head. Good first round. We score it 10-9 Ali for landing the bigger punches.

Round 2- Revish is pushing the pace, but also catching counters. Ali circling, landing a big left and scoring the knockdown. People are up on their feet for Ali.

Revish moving forward and pops Ali, who shrugs it off and comes forward in response, landing a big left hook to the face of his own. Ali just beat Revish there with a clean left jab. We score it Ali 10-8

Round 3- Round three begins with Revish attacking again, nice three-punch combo.  Ali’s fans are growing restless. Ali chasing Revish around the ring now and lands a big punch in the corner. We score it 10-9 Ali, still controlling the ring.

Round 4-Fourth starts off with fireworks as both punchers land solid shots. They could really use a jumbotron in this place. Ali lands a nice left. Ali with a big shot to the body and then a shot to the head. Now Revish is on the offensive. Ali with another nice shot.

Round 5-Lights went out. Lucky I’m on a motherfucking netbook. For that matter lucky that shit didn’t happen in the middle of the round. Damn this is motherfucking ghetto.

They’ve got the backup generators on now so that you can still see and shit but the ESPN motherfucker that’s been blocking my view doesn’t have his camera on. The announcer says they’ll be back in five minutes.

Probably a fifteen minute break and the fighters look positively well-rested. Four warmup rounds and now they’ve got the ringlights going and they’re going to let these guys fight again.

One set of ringlights goes out and Ali lands some shots. Does the Prudential center have enough power for another fight?  Who fucking knows.

I hope they have running water cuz I’m going to have to hit the john after that long break.  Can’t see a goddamn thing cuz some Hawaiian shirt-wearing motherfucker from ESPN has his camera boom right in my face. He goes to work dressed like that.  Can you imagine?

Revish lands a nice combination, but Ali quickly regains control and pops Revish in the face causing a large string of snot to come out of his nose as the bell sounds. 10-9 Ali is how we have it.

Round 6-Ring girl needs to lay off the cheesecake. Looks like Revish lost his mouthguard or something. Revish is landing the harder shots this round, but his face is starting to look like shit.

Ali caught him by the ropes and it looks like he stumbled forward. Ali is feeling a sense of urgency now and is getting more aggressive. Revish’s mouth is wide open. It looks like his jaw might be broken. 10-9 Ali.

Round 7-Revish lands a straight left that seemed to stagger Revish a little. Ring lights just flashed. They need to can their lighting and effects team. Not a lot of action that round.

Round 8-Ring girl has a short haircut. I don’t like that. She would be far more attractive with long hair.

Revish lands a good shot. Ali pressing forward with nice combination. Revish has him staggered, but Ali manages to tie him up before he can do any more damage. Revish tasting blood backs him up on the ropes but gets a counterpunch for his troubles.

Revish still landing with Ali backpedaling. Ali regains his composure and lands a decent left hook. Ali lands a left. Revish took that one 10-9 

Ali won that one for sure. 79-72 and the contingent from Brooklyn go wild. Good fight. Revish wasn’t really in it for much of it, but he put on a good show.

–Dr. Octagon, M.D. from ringside.