Joel Julio vs Anges Adjaho

NEWARK, N.J.–Adjaho comes out to some really slick reggae that sounds reminiscent of the “Cops” theme, that immortal classic by Full Circle. He’s wearing a leopard-print robe that Ms. Octagon, M.B.A. finds fetching.

But then Julio comes out with a shiny, sequin-bedecked number that really catches her fancy. So shiny. If there is one thing I know about ladies it is that they prefer shiny things to the skins of endangered animals, but just barely.

I am hungry, but they don’t have hot dogs at this sporting event for some reason. No electricity and no hot dogs. I get a Nature Valley granola bar from the vending machine. It is not nearly savory enough and I remain unfulfilled.

It’s okay. I’m on a diet. I don’t need to be eating hot dogs anyway. Round-by-round updates after the jump:

Round 1- Ms. Lady is strongly rooting for Joel Julio due to his sequined trunks. The two fighters are feeling each other out. No one has really landed anything worth writing about. Julio lands a body shot and a nice straight right to the head on the ropes Julio wins that one, but just barely. That round fucking sucked and the crowd is already growing restless.

Round 2-This ring girl has long shiny hair and is wearing high socks which is a nice change of pace. Julio is following Adjaho around the ring and Adjaho seems content to cover his head and occasionally counter-punch weakly.

Round 3 - Adjaho is starting to come alive and land some shots, but another tepid round.

Round 4- Julio is still the more active fighter, but Adjaho is counterpunching more effectively than he was before.

Round 5- Looks like a bump is starting to form over Adjaho’s right eye. Adjaho’s defense is relatively effective, but I don’t know how he plans to win this fight backpedaling and throwing jabs.

Round 6-Grimy ring girl with the short hair gets less cheers from the crowd than the other girls. I don’t even mind when the guy with the Hawaiian shirt is in front of me because this fight is boring as shit. Julio punching Adjaho covering up. Crow is booing.

Round 7-Boring. It was more fun sitting in the dark between rounds in the previous fight.

Round 8- Julio backed Adjaho up on the ropes and it looked like he almost slipped. Adjaho running away, getting punched intermittently. Looks like only one fighter showed up tonight. Adjaho does not seem to want to put himself in harm’s way.

Round 9- Hopefully Adjaho’s corner is telling him to stop fighting like a fucking pussy because he needs a knockout to win this fight at this point. I don’t see him winning a single round so far.

Give Julio some credit, he is trying to put an end to this one-sided snoozefest. He doesn’t even seem worried about Adjaho’s left jab. He isn’t even flinching. Adjaho is starting to throw some hooks to the body. Adjaho is warned about rabbit punches to the back of the head. Hey at least he’s trying something different.

Round 10- Final round. The cherry on top of this sno cone of shit. I think Adjaho’s corner just told him that he is behind on the scorecards because he actually came out swinging for once.

Adjaho is lading some shots, but Julio is teturning fire. More weak left jabs from Adjaho. A point-scoring punch in a fight he is not going to win on the scorecards.

What a lazy performance. I’d hate to know how much Adjaho is getting paid for this. At the end of the round Adjaho is avoiding contact like he is ahead on the cards. A horrid finale to a horrid fight.

Unanimous decision 99-91. Adjaho looks surprised he lost. Jeez. Octagon Out.

–Dr. Octagon from ringside.