Alistair Overeem Denied License, Joins Long List of MMA Juicers

by Dr. Octagon, J.D.

Alistair Overeem’s license request has been denied by the Nevada State Athletic Commission. He can re-apply in nine months.

The testimony was bizarre. MMAFighting reported Overeem’s doctor testified that he gave Overeem a shot that included testosterone, but can’t remember whether or not he informed Overeem. The NSAC commissioner chided him for not telling the doctor he was being randomly tested.

My doctor knows what I do for a living, and it doesn’t involve kicking 285-pound vikings into retirement inside an octagonal cage. You think there is any chance the doctor doesn’t know who Overeem is or what he does for a living? The only thing tempering my outrage is the very real possibility the guy lied to save Overeem’s reputation.

Here is a protip boys and girls: saying that you don’t recall is what you do when you’re under oath and don’t want to reveal something, but would rather not be charged with perjury. It’s easy to prove what did and did not happen, but it’s very hard to prove whether or not you remember something.

Then again, this this is the sort of thing that a doctor could lose his license for, so I’m surprised the doctor would go so far as to say that he gave a shot of testosterone to a guy that seems to be doing alright for himself in the anabolics department. You randomly injected one of the most famous fighters in the world with testosterone and you might not have even told him? How come things like this never happen to me? If I could get a little essence of manhood, I might even be able to grow sideburns some day. (Editor’s note: Or a full mustache.)

At the end of the day, Overeem was clearly juicing, probably the last five years or so, and he got caught before he racked up another bullshit victory. So I don’t really care whether or not his doctor told him about one shot. I didn’t really care when he kicked the shit out of Brock Lesnar, because Brock had previously fought in the World Wildlife Federation, where steroids were fairly rampant before that guy went psychotic from them.

However, if Overeem had beaten Junior dos Santos, who doesn’t look like a massive juicehead, I would have been displeased. It’s usually pretty fucking obvious when people are taking steroids. There are guys in the gray area, and then there are guys like Ubereem. The reason the cops don’t crack down like they do on other drugs is because they’re taking them too. 

Some writers, like this clown Chad Dundas over at ESPN, have said the UFC should never let Overeem fight again. Chad doesn’t seem to be aware that many other fighters have been caught juicing (four of the top ten heavyweights in ESPN’s rankings for example, including Josh Barnett, who has been caught thrice) or are known to have received deliveries of steroids (Shane Carwin), but haven’t been banned for life from the sport.  Cheating is rampant in the higher weight classes, especially in the heavyweight division, where very few fighters are naturally anywhere near the top end of the scale.  Even in the lower weight classes, there have been many high profile fighters caught.

Chael Sonnen has been convicted of money laundering and was caught with a very high T/E ratio (after a championship fight); he will soon be fighting for the middleweight championship. Thiago Silva provided fake urine. It goes on. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that makes what Overeem did okay, but to advocate his total ban from the sport would be like saying that Barry Bonds should be banned from baseball while Mark McGwire gets to be in the Hall of Fame.

Not to mention that UFC boss Dana White is rumored to have an antitrust investigation on his hands. Believe it or not, banning a guy for life, especially when you have every other fighter who could possibly defeat him in your fighting leagues, is the sort of thing that the Justice Department might view as anticompetitive.

Hopefully Reem will learn his lesson and be allowed to fight early next year against some other previously roided-up monster like Josh Barnett or Bigfoot. At least that would be a fair fight.